Transiting Sun Opposing My Natal Pluto: The Whole World's Out to Get Me

...or is it that I'm out to get the whole world? This topsy-turvy logic may make more sense, and it may not even be that weird; after all, Pluto Rising, c'est moi.

First of all, has anyone out there in astrology-lovin' cyberspace missed me? It's been something like five weeks since my last post. What's changed in those five weeks? Simple, really: I got a part-time (technically freelance) job that feels like a full-time one due to a long commute and fine print attached ("You must demonstrate the same degree of commitment and general gung-ho-osity as this company's full-timers, including but not limited to checking work email early on weekend mornings in order that you may resolve the sphincter-spasming issue of a PM's not receiving a file you sent late last night in order to meet a crucial deadline. Oh, and if you are not a technical wizard, you had better either become one or pray that nothing seriously goes awry after our tech ninjas leave the building for the day. And did we mention you will need to stay late again tonight?")

This is what I wanted, even prayed and burned candles for: steady work. Now I've got it and while there are some definite positives (a steady paycheck that will launch me a notch or two above what NYC considers piss-poor; a cool, laid-back supervisor who answers my many questions with amazing patience; a very nice fellow evening-shift colleague), I am also stressed-out, constantly tired yet too wired to relax, and perhaps most upsetting of all, supremely uncreative. It wasn't too long ago that I was that magic combination of imagination and discipline. Now...fuggedaboutit.

I was really hoping that today would be different; that I'd be able to get some Creative Time in. But with the Sun opposing my Pluto (and, by the way, poised to enter my 7th House later this evening), my laptop became infected with a virus that somehow infiltrated my trusty (Ed) Norton Internet Security, and had to be fixed via remote technician to the tune of $89.98.

And somehow, it's gotten to be almost five o'clock Brooklyn Time. Fuck. If I manage to put away all the laundry I did yesterday before work and get to the grocery store to pick up a few staples, I may still have a chance.

And maybe once the Sun leaves my 6th House and begins to trine my Mars, Mercury, and Neptune from my 7th House over the next few days, life won't seem as bleak, and the Cult of Work that's been up in my grille for the past month or so will ebb at least somewhat.

I can only hope.

One of Those Up Close and Personal Posts that Might Help You

Greetings, lovelies and uglies and all mixed star-gazing bags:

Last night it occurred to me that Pluto was backing over another square to my natal Chiron in Aries. I was not consciously aware of the first square at the end of January, but it. Explains. So. Much. Even more than that helter-skelter aspect that has us all in its collective grip for another couple of years, the Uranus-Pluto square, about which I have pondered and written in this blog extensively.

I don't normally pay much attention to my 7th-house Chiron. It is the lone wolf, the odd duck of my chart: the only planet (more accurately, planetoid) in the fire element, and the only one not involved in my bowl-shaped configuration (which starts with Saturn in Taurus in the 9th house and ends with Neptune in Scorpio in the 3rd house). I run a tight ship, it seems -- but Chiron slipped through its tightly woven sails. Also, except for Neptune, it is my only retrograde point. Hence, ever since water-and-earth me first began studying my own chart over twenty years ago, I have never been able to make head or tail of my poor, retrograde-in-Aries, 7th-house Chiron.

Pluto squaring my Chiron has been one hell of a wake-up call, though I slept through the first alarm on January 31. If Chiron is about healing and self-actualization (interestingly, Chiron was discovered in 1977, the peak of the "human potential movement"), I apparently need to heal my relationships (Chiron in my 7th house) in a major way. Pluto's energy is deep and transformative, and it doesn't always tickle -- in fact it can be fucking painful. And one of the lessons of Pluto is that if you hold on too tightly, even more may be taken away from you.

Pluto has been transiting my 4th house for about seven years now so I should be used to its energy, but it was undeniably "kinder" when still in Sagittarius. It seems that Pluto in Capricorn in my 4th house has increased my fear that due to my unstable financial situation, I will lose my home (in fact, I've moved twice since Pluto entered Capricorn) and that I am generally running out of time (Capricorn) to "prove" myself (Capricorn again) to my family (4th house), to the world (10th house), and to myself (1st house). My time-management skills are being put to the test and it seems they are not at the correct end of the bell curve. My chronic insomnia and freelancer's schedule certainly haven't helped. Up till now, I have attributed this anxiety-producing state of mind to the classic "midlife crisis" aspect -- the Uranus opposition, which fell in my 1st and 7th houses -- but now I realize that Pluto squaring my Chiron plays an equally important role in this disturbing development.

Perhaps my Chiron's placement is why I have always been a "relationship person" despite also being a classic Pluto Rising loner. This is not to say that I have always been in a relationship, though since my late 20s, I have been in a relationship more often than not. It just means that I would make a great hermit as long as I didn't have to do it alone. (Two shows a night, people. Two shows a night.) Seriously, that does not mean I want a crowd; I often feel that I just don't have time for most people, even ones whom I mostly like. I keep thinking that I should be working on my children's book, which I am both writing and illustrating, and which may be my only ticket out of my current existence. I also have my "nothing" quota to fulfill, because doing nothing is doing something. Then, of course, I have to stumble across an article about how having friends is good for one's health and can even prolong one's life.

To which I find myself having a particularly Plutonian response: that I'm not all that sure I want to live a long life -- I'm more about quality than quantity, and although things could be much, much worse, I do not look forward to more of the same when my teeth fall out (see more on this very real worry a little ways down if you have the strength to read on). By most accounts, growing old (i.e., reaching 75, 80) sucks unless you have won both the genetic and financial lotteries, or you don't mind spending most of your waking hours sitting in a doctor's waiting room. Though I suppose all this can be somewhat offset if you're lucky enough to have grandkids (though my relatively recently deceased granny did not give two figs about my little sister and me, she was truly pathological). But I will never fall into that sick-and-poor-yet-still-lucky category; although there are kids in my life, they are not mine.

Sometimes, I do not even feel that my relationship is mine -- that it is "living on borrowed time," to quote from the late great John Lennon, and that it is running a course all its own. This might not be such a bad realization, but the moderate middle path between control-freakdom and devil-may-caredom seems to be eluding me these days. Hello, Pluto-squaring-my-Chiron. I got the memo. I am awake. What to do now?

Okay, so, teeth. Capricorn rules bones and teeth and just a few weeks ago, when I went to my dentist for my six-month cleaning, she informed me that based on my most recent set of X-rays from last December, I have appreciable bone loss and not only had to start flossing religiously, but must return for deep cleanings every three or four months for the rest of my life. I am not sure why my dentist didn't tell me about this bone loss six months ago -- perhaps she was distracted by the presence of my cute little cavity, my first in nearly twenty years and fourth one ever. Of course I was upset to hear this news, and when I thought about how I hadn't been to the dentist in over two years because I tend not to get cavities and much prefer spending money on anything other than a visit to the dentist, I got even more upset. My bone loss was my own damned fault. Sure, if my Freelancers Union insurance covered dental care, I would have gone like clockwork -- and if my old dentist hadn't moved to Florida, I might also not have let so much time elapse between visits -- but it was still my responsibility.

I could go on for another several paragraphs about Pluto-in-the-4th-house family issues, but I am worn out, and if you are still reading this post, I would bet that you are, too. Trying to end this post on a relatively positive note, I would like to think that time (Capricorn) eventually does heal (Chiron) all wounds (Pluto/Scorpio, Mars/Aries), even though time does not seem to wound all heels.

Progressed Moon in the Last Degree of Aries

It takes approximately two and a half years for one's Moon to progress through a sign, and this often manifests in one's emotional climate--what you care about and need the most.

As of this writing my Progressed Moon is at 29 degrees of Aries, the final degree, and as a Cancerian born with most of my planets in the sensitive water and practical earth elements, what a tumultuous time it's been. Aries, the first sign of the zodiac, is an impulsive, enthusiastic, yet naive fire sign; its worldview is so different from my natal blueprint that it's really had the effect of shaking me out of my comfort zone.

Because most of this progression occurred in my 7th house, the place it's had the most impact has been in my relationships. I have had fiery, exciting romances, yet they have also been selfish (sometimes on my end, sometimes on my partners') and immature. About 8 months ago my Progressed Moon moved into my 8th house, and now I can feel new issues arising, concerning resources, sex, and the occult--but this is business as usual, as the 8th house is ruled by Scorpio, and my natal Moon is in Scorpio.

I am looking forward to my Progressed Moon moving into Taurus right before my birthday next month, because I believe it will be a more peaceful, loving, beauty-filled progression...I just need to make sure, since Taurus has a huge sweet tooth, not to gain any weight.