I knew it wasn't going be easy. Somehow, though, I thought if I knew to watch out for things coming to a head on December 3, I'd be able to prepare for it.
But nothing on earth could've prepared me for so many transits to my natal planets that my head really feels like it's about to explode. Even though I've seen some of these transits before.
If even one person who is going through one or more of these transits sees this and doesn't feel as alone, I will feel slightly better. And I know that writing this down will make me feel slightly better anyway. Here goes:
Neptune in Pisces has been opposing my natal Pluto in Virgo for the past year and a half, while also conjuncting my Pisces Descendant. This is a generational opposition about which not nearly enough has been written (just as Gen X has been more or less invisible except for the first half of the '90s, from the publication of Douglas Coupland's
Generation X novel to Kurt Cobain's suicide), and it's a heavy one that has more than earned the right to sing the blues. When an outer-planet transit of this magnitude occurs on the angles (whether it's Asc./Desc. or MC/IC), it's amped to the max, unavoidable to deal with. In my case, this opposition largely manifested in the long goodbye that was the dissolution of my not quite a dozen-year relationship with a Pisces Sun. Another person was involved, though not in the usual way (i.e., a current lover), but my first love, who'd broken my heart and ghosted me before such a term existed, before we technically Did It. Neptune in Pisces is like a supersize, deep-fried order of the past. This particular ghost from my past was a bit too old for me at the time and probably did me a favor leaving me relatively intact, but ... Older Ghost Guy contacted me out of the blue to apologize, and we had this messy correspondence that turned even messier when I went back to reread my teenage wasteland diary from the spring I knew him and realized how cruel he'd been, far crueler than he'd acknowledged or that I'd allowed myself to remember. It made me question everything about all my relationships, and I recognized a pattern of no boundaries, a Pisces specialty: both intruding and being intruded upon emotionally, even psychically. Here, there, everywhere, and nowhere. As a Cancer Sun with a Scorpio Moon, Pisces has always "completed" me, but now that feeling began to dissolve ... and my Pisces did not have my back because I was so infuriated about the correspondence gone wrong. My Mars (anger) conjunct Mercury (communication) is very close to his Moon (emotions/instincts/home), and that was really his main beef with me: I was just too damned angry all the time. OGG contacted me twice more, most recently two weeks ago (by which time I finally knew better than to respond), but I have to wait till New Year's Eve before the fifth and final opposition. (No pressure there!) Note the number: not one, not three, but five passes for an extended wake-up call from the front desk. I only hope I've really, truly learned my lesson this time as they pertain to relationships. And for the first time in my life, I am not looking to jump back into one.
Next up we have transiting Pluto in Capricorn opposing my natal Mercury in Cancer from the 5th-house cusp to the 11th, which also began in the spring of '22. In fact, both oppositions were exact when I first heard from OGG. I believe that it was this opposition that saved me from forgiving OGG too soon, because Pluto is the planet of investigation, and That Little Voice Inside My Head told me to excavate my diary. It really, really hurt, but it was better this way, because my 15-year-old self saved my 51-year-old self. Just like the Neptune-Pluto opposition, this one also had to happen five times (final pass exact tomorrow). The fourth pass, exact this past August, was when I realized I had to break up with my Pisces; I'd done it before (with Pluto coming up on an opposition to my Sun) and had hoped with all my heart that it wouldn't happen again, but I felt like I was dying (Pluto opposing my Mars hadn't helped matters). The fifth and final opposition finds me single again in a place I fought like hell to get back to, with my head about to explode from the stress of being utterly lost in my new part-time job; I need to pick up nitpicky formatting skills ASAP so I can relieve my overworked supervisor. I am also unable to set up my new apartment because I have too much stuff for a studio, not enough money to put stuff in storage, and suck at assembling semi-disposable shelving units. If only I'd Marie Kondo'd most of my things (not counting books; sorry, but I have to draw the line somewhere). I haven't had the energy to go on Nextdoor or Facebook Marketplace or see if Goodwill or Salvation Army can pick up stuff. What else? Feeling closer to my Scorpio sister (Mercury) but estranged from some other friends (11th house). Deep thinking, even to the point of obsession. Heightened sensitivity to power-tripping while tripping over my own shadow.
The third opposition involves transiting Saturn in Pisces opposing my natal Venus in Virgo. Same signs as the first opposition, but this time from the 12th house to the 6th, and this time I "only" get it the standard three passes instead of five. Still, it's been enough to manifest in health issues (not just my own, but my precious cats) and Venus troubles in both love and money. I was unexpectedly laid off from my full-time salaried position this spring, less than a month after the first pass. I miraculously managed to secure an apartment this fall, shortly before the retrograde second pass, but now, on the third pass (also exact tomorrow), I am officially losing money and do not feel at all optimistic over getting back my security deposit on the apartment my ex and I shared, even though my ex, who has just moved to greener pastures, has enlisted the assistance of the city council. I am back where I want to be, but I am literally paying a very high price for it. How, you may well be asking, could I possibly be taking such a gamble on myself given this particular sobering opposition?
Because transiting Uranus, the planet of reform and revolution, is also conjuncting my stodgy-pants banker-wannabe Saturn in the money sign of Taurus, that's how. All bets are off. And since it involves the cusp of my 9th house, at least I can still write. The second pass is exact tomorrow, and the third pass happens next March. Since this foundation-shaking conjunction sextiles my Sun as well, I have to have faith (the opposite of Saturn) that this revolutionary-for-me gamble will pay off in 9th-house areas such as publishing, education, and travel. Wouldn't that be nice?
It's been such a long time since I've posted on this blog I have no idea if I even have any readers left, but I do hope that someone searching for the meaning of any or all of the above transits will find this and know they're in good company.
