Love on a Square and Soul Sickness on an Opposition

Did you get through Monday's Mars-Saturn conjunction in Scorpio without breaking anything, especially yours or somebody else's balls?

Did you get through yesterday's Venus-Saturn square without sinking into a dark depression in which the very concept of love seems a deeply unfunny joke?

Congratulations! Now all you have to do is clear the hurdle of today's Venus-Mars square (exact at 11:46 a.m. EDT) and not drown either literally or metaphorically during the Sun-Neptune opposition (exact Fri. 8/29 at 10:33 a.m.) and you can enjoy a potentially sexy, shamanic, Moon-in-Scorpio Labor Day weekend.

Venus in Leo and Mars in Scorpio could get along and get it on wonderfully if only they could lay down their fixed-sign stubbornness and pride and truly give without strings attached. Yet glamorpuss drama queen Venus in Leo is so hung up on being in the spotlight and worshipped as the center of the "loververse" that Mars in Scorpio is not likely to relinquish its relentless master-of-manipulation will to power...and will instead bruise the huge but secretly insecure ego of Venus in Leo just to prove a pointless point. It is a standoff in which neither will be caught blinking first, and both will wear sunglasses just in case that unthinkable event occurs. Neither one wins; both lose. If you are currently in a relationship, my advice is to call a truce and head to a rock concert or opera -- or, if you are a badass and want to play with fire, a sex club to blow off some steam. The idea is to lose yourself in a bigger drama than yourself. If you are single and looking for love in all the wrong places, however, you may want to sit the Venus-Mars square out, as this is not a dateworthy aspect...though attending a costume party or beach get-together could be interesting.

The Sun in Virgo's normally cool, collected, organized self is thrown off balance by Neptune in Pisces; it just can't remain in its usual locked, upright position in Neptune's pounding, swirling surf. That may not be such a bad thing in and of itself...except that Virgo is earthbound and may panic underwater, losing all sense of its reality. Opposition aspects always indicate relationship issues as well as projection; in this case, Virgo steps on Pisces' toes, accusing the Neptune-ruled Fish of being too dreamy, passive, escapist, and unrealistic -- traits that the typical Virgo readily disowns instead of incorporating into its high-strung, repressed nature. Pisces responds by washing away Virgo's intricate sand castles and detailed plans. If these two signs can join forces, great love and creativity can result -- but it means that both signs will need to step (or swim) out of their respective comfort zones and learn something from each other. A word of caution: drinking, drugging, and abusing various prescription meds can easily get out of hand during the Sun-Neptune opposition, as suffering physical and/or emotional pain are likely. "Binge viewing" various TV shows and ODing on popcorn may be a safer bet. Depending on your chart, you may want to drown your sorrows alone or with likeminded company; either way, however, you will need to find a way to deal with your suffering, as well as acknowledge that others are also having a hard time in this hardwood world. Far better to err on the side of compassion (the Neptune-in-Pisces end of the opposition) than hair-splitting criticism (Sun in Virgo).

Venus Square Mars: A Dialogue

Venus in Gemini: Hey you big stud, what say we go out tonight and paint the town red?

Mars in Virgo: Well, I don't know about that. I really have so much work to catch up on this weekend, and my place is a mess. I should do some serious spring cleaning.

VG: Aw, come on, don't be such a party pooper. In just a few hours it'll be Saturday night! I know you secretly want to come out and have some serious fun with me.

MV: Maybe you're right...all work and no play makes Mars in Virgo a dull placement. Did you have anything in particular in mind funwise?

VG: I knew I could convince you with my sweet silver tongue. Well, a new friend of mine told me about this totally outrageous all-night dance party her party-promoter twin brother is throwing in an abandoned warehouse somewhere in [fill in dicey yet hip neighborhood]. She promised to text me the info at some point this evening. There will be a cover charge, but not too steep, and maybe I can get a plus-one for you. I know you're always watching your wallet.

MV: Are you quite sure that this party is legal?

VG: Of course it's legal! Since when is it a crime to have a throwdown? I don't think the warehouse is even really abandoned. A bunch of artists are living there. Anyway, like I said, it's not even my friend's idea, but her twin's, the party promoter. So you can ask him all about it later.

MV: [Hedging] Well, maybe we can discuss this more over dinner? I'd really like to cook for us tonight. I found an interesting recipe in my new macrobiotic cookbook...or [catching the look of disgust crossing VG's face] maybe I could throw some salmon filets on the grill and make us one of my famous salads?

VG: Honestly, darling, I haven't given dinner a second thought. I may just take a disco nap and have a pint of ice cream for dinner. Or we could check out this restaurant I just read about on [insert name of semi-underground weekly online newsletter]. It's not really an official restaurant. This couple cooks, like, a vat of spaghetti and meatballs out of their own home every Saturday night and they allow a certain number of customers to show up if you call a few hours in advance. They have, like, this big picnic table in their living room people can just sit around and chow down.

MV: [Trying and failing to keep a neutral expression and tone] Well, that sounds...interesting. But you know, I was kind of hoping for some quiet time together first, especially if we might go out to a loud dance party later.

VG: [With possibly genuine compassion] Sure, I understand. It can be hard to talk intimately in a crowd. But think of how much fun it would be to meet some interesting new people. If we went to this pseudo restaurant, maybe we'll wind up doing something completely different afterward...like, I dunno, nighttime hang gliding! But whatever we do will be more romantic if we don't plan it out too much or overthink it. [Bell-like giggling] Really, planning's for suckers. It's better to leave all options on the table and not get hung up on pesky details. Especially on a Saturday night.

MV: Why do you always have to be such a Holly Golightly? Why do you constantly feel compelled to raise frivolity and small talk to an art form?

VG: Why do you always have to be such a boring, hypercritical, stick-in-the-mud buzz kill?

MV: Well, if you feel that way about me, why did you even bother asking me to do anything with you tonight? I'd only cramp your style, after all.

VG: [Perhaps genuinely perplexed, perhaps not] What?! You asked me.

MV: No. I. Didn't! You asked me quite flirtatiously, as well. Do you not remember anything you said just a few minutes after you've said it, even if it's provocative? I think what's really going on here is that you are using me. You know I'm much more safe, stable, and reliable than anyone else in your life, and can therefore be counted on to get your charming behind out of all sorts of dubious situations at all hours of the night.

VG: What on earth are you talking about? Sheesh. All right, I admit it's very nice that I can count on you...but if I were really using you, I'd just call you to rescue me from wherever at four in the morning, and not even bother bringing you along in the first place!

MV: [Resigned] Fine, I'll pick you up at 7:37 p.m. sharp. Please try to be ready, for a change. And you're wearing your seat belt this time, or else I refuse to drive you anywhere tonight.

VG: Yeah, right.

This dialogue was brought to you by the transiting Venus-Mars square between Gemini and Virgo, exact this evening at 7:37 p.m. EDT.