Pluto Rising Astrology: humor

Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Friday, January 22, 2016

The Sun Signs' Reactions to the Snowstorm

Good evening, my astro-curious lovelies.

Once in a blue moon or so, I dispense with my seriousness regarding astrology in favor of something lighter...in the form of sun-sign astrology. This is one of those times. You may well find a grain of truth in this post, but I also advise you to take it with several grains of salt (unless you know your Moon and Rising signs, and can therefore read those descriptions as well for a more accurate reading).

You live in one of the Mid-Atlantic states, and a Nor'easter blizzard's a-comin'. However, your reaction to the impending "snowpocalypse" will vary depending on your sign.

Aries: Bring that sucker on, baby! I'm gonna take out my SUV or motorcycle out onto the zero-visibility roads and race against myself.

Taurus: Let's stay inside all weekend and bake brownies and pies. And eat them.

Gemini: After I check in on my neighbors and siblings, I'm going to text/call everyone I know, plus update my Facebook status every hour and post selfies of me making snow angels.

Cancer: Get out of my way, I have to run to the supermarket in total panic mode and buy up all the milk, eggs, and bread.

Leo: Party!

Virgo: This will give me a great opportunity to catch up on some paperwork and also organize my linen closet.

Libra: Snowstorms are so romantic when you have someone special to hunker down with. If I don't have a special someone, I have a few hours to find him/her.

Scorpio: Snowstorms are so sexy when you can stay in bed and fuck all day and all night, lather, rinse, and repeat.

Sagittarius: Now that my flight to Aruba's been canceled, guess I'll Skype with all of my friends in different time zones, start reading that book I got as a holiday present last month, and register for a philosophy, religion, or foreign language course. Oh, and go snowboarding.

Capricorn: I need to check on my parents/grandparents to make sure they're okay (if my elderly relatives are all dead, then I'll check on other old folks) and shovel some walkways to make some extra coin.

Aquarius: Start a revolution online!

Pisces: Snowstorm? There's a snowstorm predicted? Hmm. Well, after I take a ten-hour nap, let's watch DVDs or binge-watch (fill in that TV show) and drink ourselves legless.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

The Thing About Pluto in Capricorn...

The thing about Pluto in Capricorn is that it's really cold.

(For those of you unfamiliar with astrology symbols, the circle with a cross is Pluto, the stylized "V" is Capricorn, and that little thingie that looks like a "69" on it's side is the glyph for Cancer...the sign, not the disease.)

Art image copyright T. C. Gardstein, Pluto Rising Astrology, 2015. All rights (and lefts) totally reserved.

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

Testimonials from Clients

"My sense of T.C.— having consulted with her twice — is her intuition, expertise, openness, and intelligence can lead to a lasting relationship with her as a reader of my astrological fortunes, realities, and pratfalls. This stuff is complex! She’s a modern human with understanding of humans’ unique psychological depths, and how those necessarily impact the reading and interpretation of one's chart — it’s a collaboration! I came in a skeptic, and find myself intrigued. Many resonant observations emerged during our meetings about where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going, as well as my larger purposes on this planet." --Marina Z. "Over the years I have had my chart done several times, and while several of the others were interesting (there was a degree of accuracy about the past, or a reflection of my personality I was able to recognize) my reading with T.C. was unique in that it felt magical, complete, and oddly scientific. She was able to explain to me not only what she saw, what influences were active (and conflicting!) but she was able to talk about how the influences of the stars and planets work with a whole human being in a way that left me feeling like I had been to a psychoanalyst or a physical doctor. Her counsel felt accurate, but also tender, spiritual and, well, kind….T.C. is a poet and an artist and I think that really helps her speak her truth in a way that really hits home without hurt. I immediately went home and convinced my friend, a total astrology sceptic who is going through some changes, to get a reading…the best endorsement of T.C.’s services? My sceptic friend is going to book a second session! All in all, money super well spent." --Abigail S.

"I have received multiple readings from T.C. and give her my highest recommendation! She is a gifted astrologer, who practices her craft with rare knowledge and compassion. She prepares thoroughly for each session and her observations are insightful and accurate. I'm particularly impressed with her ability to offer insight into the issues that are of the deepest concern to me at the moment... This is why I have received multiple readings from her in the past and will continue to receive more readings from her in the future!" --James F.

"I had two readings with T.C. Gardstein, and both of them gave me so much to think about. It was a very interesting experience, and I will be definitely coming back for another session. I recommend joining her astrology lessons if you are interested in astrology, it gives a new perspective to look at the world and history." -- Elena McM.

"T.C. has, for several years now, provided me with vital and challenging guidance and information. She has been scarily accurate, both about my own astrological trends and those taking place in the world around us all (for example, several years ago she predicted that 2020 would be marked by a World War III situation). She has never sugared the pill when it came to what was coming, but advised me the best ways to deal with it all and how I could draw on my strengths. This highly intelligent and intuitive astrologer will tell you just what you need to know about yourself and your future."

--Ruth C.

"I had my astrological chart drawn up years ago. And, over the years, I’ve had several ‘readings’ based on the data the chart supplied; but the significance and inter-relatedness of the data and how it applies to my life today was never clear to me until T.C. looked at my chart. She took complex data and concepts and rendered them understandable to me. I never felt talked down to--I’d admitted at the get go, I was ignorant of astrology in general. Nor did she so simplify the profound significance of the data as to render it too general to be of use. I felt she saw ‘me’ through the chart, and brought her considerable knowledge and passion to bear so that my blueprint for this lifetime come alive for me. It takes a certain genius to pull together, in a meaningful way, countless threads of content and T.C. has that genius. I am more grateful than I can say for her reading and look forward to our follow-up readings." --Sharon V.B.

Having had a difficult few months I had an Astrological reading with T.C. Gardstein. I remember my first reading a few years ago was totally cathartic and it left me in tears that only a deep truth can bring. And here I was again, needing to find out how to manage all that had just occurred. She validated all that I was feeling and she provided reasons as to why. I felt vulnerable but felt totally comfortable to be in this exposed state. Her knowledge, insight and intuition helped me set a path. She offered ideas and guidance that I can apply to my situation with her immense knowledge and empathy. It was far better than a therapy session and it brought me immense comfort and relief. I highly recommend T.C. as an experienced, thorough, knowledgeable Astrologer and kind human. --Voula S.

"An intelligent and informative astrologer….I finally found what I was looking for! On a search for a reliable astrologer, I stumbled upon T.C.’s blog. I was immediately attracted to her frank yet heart-filled writing style and decided to give her a call. My session was enlightening and predictive, and she focused on the intentions I requested. Plus my personal opposing trends were delivered in an integrated and useful manner, so I am better prepared for the year ahead. I am going again soonto explore more of my astrological weather and the “wheres, whys, and whens” of my life’s unfolding. Thank you T.C. for sharing your talent." --Dante S.

“T.C. is an extremely talented astrologer. She has extensive knowledge that she masterfully communicates in a kind but wise manner. If you want to go to someone to learn something about yourself and your life, you need look no further. I strongly recommend her!”

--Jennifer M.

"As an extraordinary astrologer, T. C. Gardstein has exceeded all expectations in getting to the absolute truth and sharing it honestly. In her astrological counseling, she, first of all, spent time to create a brilliantly artistic natal chart for me, with all the planets in their respective houses, so I could understand astrology by seeing it visually. She analyzed planetary placements and transits to such a deep level that I broke down emotionally, I was so touched to the core. She helped me refer to the problems of my past and how to face them, so I could live a more fulfilling life. She has a most gentle and caring presence, a wisdom that welcomes you and invites you to share your grief, so you leave grateful knowing that the truth has the answers to your future. T.C., with both words and emotions, I am thankful for you and the truest soul you give to supporting and raising us from the ashes of the earth in this celestial sphere." --Ruxi S.

"You are always spot on!! I just really want to thank you for in depth reading you gave me. I was very impressed with how organized you were and coordinating our appointment with ease and in timely manner. Especially thank you for sending my Solar return chart and explaining secondary progressions...Everything is unfolding in exact way you advised me and I am feeling so much better knowing cut off dates of all phases. Thanks for such descriptive postings in March and April 2011. I will stay in touch and get reading from you again - you are great and very accurate!" --Maja W.

"More than just a run of the mill astrologer, T. C. Gardstein does something more akin to astrological counseling. She gives thorough well explained readings and really works to help you understand how your chart affects your life. As well she has a kind and caring manner, it's obvious that astrology is a labor of love for her. She also does great astrocartography readings which explain how your location affects your astrological chart." --Michelle R.

"I highly recommend T. C. Gardstein's astrological services. I went for a consultation with her for my solar return, and found her to be thorough, kind and compassionate. I have had readings from other astrologers, but T.C. pointed out things in my chart that helped me to see myself and my life anew. I recorded my session, and have found that reviewing it helped the insights sink in even more. A perfect gift for oneself (or anyone else you love)!" --April J.

"A reading with T. C. Gardstein would be a wonderful experience for everyone. It's an opportunity to know more about what makes you uniquely you. At my recent reading, I found her to be engaging and genuine. The reading was in-depth, and I felt that she had carefully considered all the details. Her insights were both enlightening and clarifying. Actually, I was surprised at the specificity with which she was able to tell me about myself and my life (past and present). I left feeling confident and empowered. I highly recommend a reading with T.C.!" --Bureen R.

Friday, January 22, 2016

The Sun Signs' Reactions to the Snowstorm

Thursday, March 19, 2015

The Thing About Pluto in Capricorn...

Blog Archive

Posts That Strike a Particularly Plutonic Nerve