Ode to Transiting Saturn Conjunct Natal Moon in Scorpio

They say if it ain't broke, don't fix it
but what if all the gears are jammed?
How do I start rebuilding my psyche
when I am sitting at my own desk
and feel a million miles away from home?

Fever brings clarity,
Kindness feels like charity,
Politeness a formality,
My libido beaten by austerity.

I needed my mother.
I just spoke to her on the phone
and now I feel like one of those lab monkeys
trying to get nurturing from a pile of twisted wire
rigged with electroshocks.

Fever brings clarity,
Kindness feels like charity,
Politeness a formality,
By now I should be used to my unpopularity.

There's a weight pressing down on my soul
that's giving me a major headache.
Getting sick can force one to stop and rest,
but watching DVDs only offer temporary escape;
then all I can do is worry.

Fever brings clarity,
Kindness feels like charity,
Politeness a formality,
On sabbatical's my hilarity.

The child I could've had ten years ago
visited me today while I was shivering on my sofa.
She was lovely, with long brown hair.
She said she forgave me.
She looked almost exactly like me.

Fever brings clarity,
Kindness feels like charity,
Politeness a formality,
Will I create something brilliant for posterity?