Bad, Mercury Retrograde. Bad, Bad.

No groovy image this post. I don't feel like pasting a tacky, trying-too-hard-to-be-witty cartoon of a laptop that has turned into a "lapstop," or anything else that symbolizes Mercury Deeply, and I Do Mean Deeply, in Retrograde.

It sucks linty lollipop to be an astrologer and know that this is destined to be a few-weeks stretch (1 week down, 2 to go) of delayed communications, malfunctioning machinery, and the inability to have mens sana in corpore sano, and yet still be so thrown by these charming manifestations of Retro Merc.

My new laptop, barely 6 weeks old, is acting funny, as in Sick Funny, which really isn't humorous at all, and I've been too tired and stressed-out to deal with tech support because I don't think it's a Minor Problem. Maybe my new laptop is schizo and thinks it's my old laptop, on which I am writing this post; my old laptop, which has been on its last legs for the past several months, is fortunately still letting me tickle and pound its partially worn-off keyboard, like the old soldier that it is.

Also, instead of losing the 10 lbs. I'd planned on losing by Labor Day, I've gained another 5 lbs. My petite body is not meant to be overweight; I now have a constant stomachache. I could cry when I think of how modest I was when I had a perfect figure. Now I'm shameless, but am too ashamed of my expansion (props to progressed Moon in Taurus) to flaunt it.

Too bad that this expansion has unfortunately not extended to my bank account. A check that I was supposed to receive from Unnamed Publishing House never showed; upon asking my unnamed Production Editor about its whereabouts, I was informed that it "fell through the cracks" and was never sent to Accounts Payable. It could take another month for me to get it, and meanwhile, I still have to pay rent, and not only don't I have any real savings, I have slow-but-sure losings.

I may or may not still have my health--I don't want to get my annual checkup while Merc is still Retro, having made that mistake last September.

At least I'm not stuck in a mine till Christmastime.

Venus and Mars: Late for a Very Important Date?

(A preface of sorts: I forgot to mention in my last post, all about Friday the 13th, that social historians Neil Howe and William Strauss dubbed what most know as "Generation X" the "13th Generation" back in 1990 [see their exhaustive, sometimes exhausting tome entitled Generations], the year before writer Douglas Coupland arrived on the scene. According to Strauss and Howe, those born in the U.S. between 1961-81 are the 13th generation of Americans--if you count the Puritan Generation, which apparently has many parallels to modern-day Boomers, as the first [methinks it is not a coincidence that Strauss and Howe are Boomers]. Back in the early '90s, 13ers/Xers were generally maligned as materialistic, Halloweenish, stupid slacker barbarians by the media [13 just doesn't get good PR] and more recently have been overshadowed by the younger Millennial Generation. Now let's get on with today's order of business....)


Venus and Mars, Sandro Botticelli, c. 1483.




There is a lovely Venus/Mars conjunction coming up at 2:49 p.m. BST (Brooklyn Summer Time). Friday is ruled by Venus, Venus rules the sign Libra, and the conjunction occurs in at 13 degrees of Libra--a critical degree, which means the double dose of Libra present via Venus and Mars already present is quadrupled.

To quote Libran John Lennon, "Love, love, love...all you need is love."

Venus is stronger than Mars in this conjunction, as Venus and Libra are one and the same, but Mars is in its detriment in Libra. You are therefore more likely to be approached (ladylike Venus) for a romantic interlude or date than to do the approaching (go-for-it Mars) in the next few hours. However, if you are more of an aggressive type, you may want to take advantage of the general passivity. Just don't be too "Mars"--make sure to conquer using pretty words and flowers and a nice-sounding plan for the evening, not by clubbing the dude or dame of your red-hot dreams over the head and dragging him or her back to your cave.

More words of caution: we are approaching the Moon/Venus and Moon/Mars squares (exact at 12:45 and 12:49 p.m. EDT, respectively), and the Moon is in Capricorn--so it would not be the wisest idea to interrupt your intended date's focus on work or other duties until after these squares have passed; literal and figurative heartburn could result.

Oh yes, and Mercury turns the Big R (i.e., retrograde) today at 3:59 p.m. Unexpected delays, losses, or miscommunications could result in your being late for that very important Venus/Mars date, so have a backup plan in mind (e.g., if you miss the movie due to being stuck on the subway from hell) in order to take advantage of the Moon/Mercury trine (exact at 11:49 p.m. EDT).

Much has been made of what a pain in the ass Mercury retrograde is and so I will not bother adding fuel to the fire, but it is worth mentioning that Mercury Rx in Virgo could get especially sticky, as Virgo is ruled by Mercury. Miscommunications are particularly likely in writing, and worrying too much and being too self-critical may have an adverse effect on your health, particularly your digestion. However, because Mercury is retrograde from now till 9/12, you have the chance to extend your summer activities beyond Labor Day...especially if we get August-in-September weather. Unfortunately, your boss or teacher probably will not want to give you that chance, you'll feel the need to prove you're not a space case while your head and heart are still lazing along in Augustville, and if you're un- or underemployed, you'll probably be too depressed to take yourself to the beach.

I only wish I were kidding.

Friggatriskaidekaphile's Delight

Ah, what better time to pick up on my astrology anti-horoscope blah(g) than on Friday the 13th?

For those of you who have been hanging out on this site for at least the past month, it shouldn't come as any great shockarooni that 13 is my favorite number. Yes, I celebrated my birthday exactly one month ago--but my love of 13 is not only about my birth date.

The number 13, regarded by many with a combination of awe and fear, is clearly ruled by Yes It's Still a Planet Dammit Pluto. Even without taking into consideration this number's early pagan connection (which was an especially positive one), followed by the Judeo-Christian connection (an especially negative one, due to the pagans' high regard for this number), even without pondering the fact that superstition is a Plutonic emotion/philosophy, and even without reflecting that 13 is one number past the perfect circle of a clock or the zodiac, just take a look at the 13th major arcana card in any Tarot deck: XIII = Death.

Now, any Tarot reader worth his or her salt knows that Death in this case does not mean the "significator" is about to be mowed down by a scythe-wielding skeleton in a hoodie; it's a card that speaks of profound inner transformation. Ah, the T-word. Pluto, anyone?

Fear of the number 13 translates into the tongue-twister "triskaidekaphobia" (if you can even say it once, it's an impressive feat), and since the 13th day of this month falls on a Friday, hard-core friggatriskaidekaphobes may have given into the tempation to call in sick and/or lock themselves in their homes to watch horror movies. (In case you are friggatriskaidekaphobic and reading this, please consider going out tonight, especially if you are in NYC: not only is it arguably the most comfortable day of the summer, the majority of accidents occur in the home.) Friday is ruled by Venus, so perhaps the combined energies of the love 'n' beauty planet and the sexiest planet in our solar system should be approached with awe and respect; however, instead of hiding under the bed alone tonight, why not roll around on top of it, either alone or in good company, and surrender to the possible ecstasy that can be yours so long as you face it and give it a saucy wink?

While you're at it, you might consider making a Venus/Pluto gesture to a southpaw, as today happens to be International Left-Handers' Day. (If you suffer from sinistrophobia, just think, you can kill two phobias with one...um...whatever.)

And wherever you happen to be at 11:31 p.m. EDT, pause to let Uranus's retrograding back into Pisces wash over you like a warm, salty, midsummer wave.

And if this weekend you find yourself caught between two polar opposite choices, situations, people, or sides of your own personality, remember that we are coming up on the Jupiter/Saturn opposition (exact Monday 8/16 at 4:45 p.m.). You may feel like gambling at the same time you feel the need to sock away every penny; you may desire travel and philosophy and parties at the same time you're in an antisocial, agoraphobic rut stronger than Duco cement glue.

Which, when you think about it, really makes all this friggatriskaidekaphobia business supercalifragilismallpotatoesdocious.