One of Those Up Close and Personal Posts that Might Help You

Greetings, lovelies and uglies and all mixed star-gazing bags:

Last night it occurred to me that Pluto was backing over another square to my natal Chiron in Aries. I was not consciously aware of the first square at the end of January, but it. Explains. So. Much. Even more than that helter-skelter aspect that has us all in its collective grip for another couple of years, the Uranus-Pluto square, about which I have pondered and written in this blog extensively.

I don't normally pay much attention to my 7th-house Chiron. It is the lone wolf, the odd duck of my chart: the only planet (more accurately, planetoid) in the fire element, and the only one not involved in my bowl-shaped configuration (which starts with Saturn in Taurus in the 9th house and ends with Neptune in Scorpio in the 3rd house). I run a tight ship, it seems -- but Chiron slipped through its tightly woven sails. Also, except for Neptune, it is my only retrograde point. Hence, ever since water-and-earth me first began studying my own chart over twenty years ago, I have never been able to make head or tail of my poor, retrograde-in-Aries, 7th-house Chiron.

Pluto squaring my Chiron has been one hell of a wake-up call, though I slept through the first alarm on January 31. If Chiron is about healing and self-actualization (interestingly, Chiron was discovered in 1977, the peak of the "human potential movement"), I apparently need to heal my relationships (Chiron in my 7th house) in a major way. Pluto's energy is deep and transformative, and it doesn't always tickle -- in fact it can be fucking painful. And one of the lessons of Pluto is that if you hold on too tightly, even more may be taken away from you.

Pluto has been transiting my 4th house for about seven years now so I should be used to its energy, but it was undeniably "kinder" when still in Sagittarius. It seems that Pluto in Capricorn in my 4th house has increased my fear that due to my unstable financial situation, I will lose my home (in fact, I've moved twice since Pluto entered Capricorn) and that I am generally running out of time (Capricorn) to "prove" myself (Capricorn again) to my family (4th house), to the world (10th house), and to myself (1st house). My time-management skills are being put to the test and it seems they are not at the correct end of the bell curve. My chronic insomnia and freelancer's schedule certainly haven't helped. Up till now, I have attributed this anxiety-producing state of mind to the classic "midlife crisis" aspect -- the Uranus opposition, which fell in my 1st and 7th houses -- but now I realize that Pluto squaring my Chiron plays an equally important role in this disturbing development.

Perhaps my Chiron's placement is why I have always been a "relationship person" despite also being a classic Pluto Rising loner. This is not to say that I have always been in a relationship, though since my late 20s, I have been in a relationship more often than not. It just means that I would make a great hermit as long as I didn't have to do it alone. (Two shows a night, people. Two shows a night.) Seriously, that does not mean I want a crowd; I often feel that I just don't have time for most people, even ones whom I mostly like. I keep thinking that I should be working on my children's book, which I am both writing and illustrating, and which may be my only ticket out of my current existence. I also have my "nothing" quota to fulfill, because doing nothing is doing something. Then, of course, I have to stumble across an article about how having friends is good for one's health and can even prolong one's life.

To which I find myself having a particularly Plutonian response: that I'm not all that sure I want to live a long life -- I'm more about quality than quantity, and although things could be much, much worse, I do not look forward to more of the same when my teeth fall out (see more on this very real worry a little ways down if you have the strength to read on). By most accounts, growing old (i.e., reaching 75, 80) sucks unless you have won both the genetic and financial lotteries, or you don't mind spending most of your waking hours sitting in a doctor's waiting room. Though I suppose all this can be somewhat offset if you're lucky enough to have grandkids (though my relatively recently deceased granny did not give two figs about my little sister and me, she was truly pathological). But I will never fall into that sick-and-poor-yet-still-lucky category; although there are kids in my life, they are not mine.

Sometimes, I do not even feel that my relationship is mine -- that it is "living on borrowed time," to quote from the late great John Lennon, and that it is running a course all its own. This might not be such a bad realization, but the moderate middle path between control-freakdom and devil-may-caredom seems to be eluding me these days. Hello, Pluto-squaring-my-Chiron. I got the memo. I am awake. What to do now?

Okay, so, teeth. Capricorn rules bones and teeth and just a few weeks ago, when I went to my dentist for my six-month cleaning, she informed me that based on my most recent set of X-rays from last December, I have appreciable bone loss and not only had to start flossing religiously, but must return for deep cleanings every three or four months for the rest of my life. I am not sure why my dentist didn't tell me about this bone loss six months ago -- perhaps she was distracted by the presence of my cute little cavity, my first in nearly twenty years and fourth one ever. Of course I was upset to hear this news, and when I thought about how I hadn't been to the dentist in over two years because I tend not to get cavities and much prefer spending money on anything other than a visit to the dentist, I got even more upset. My bone loss was my own damned fault. Sure, if my Freelancers Union insurance covered dental care, I would have gone like clockwork -- and if my old dentist hadn't moved to Florida, I might also not have let so much time elapse between visits -- but it was still my responsibility.

I could go on for another several paragraphs about Pluto-in-the-4th-house family issues, but I am worn out, and if you are still reading this post, I would bet that you are, too. Trying to end this post on a relatively positive note, I would like to think that time (Capricorn) eventually does heal (Chiron) all wounds (Pluto/Scorpio, Mars/Aries), even though time does not seem to wound all heels.

Sun Trine Neptune: Dream On

The Sun-Neptune trine only happens twice a year, so don't let this one slide or you'll have to wait till October 25.

Visualize your ideal self, no matter how ludicrous or unrealistic. This is not a "practical" aspect, so don't lowball yourself. Besides, your dreams are no one's business to judge, unless you are one sick, twisted puppy. Are you a shaman? A star? A latter-day Lancelot? A mad scientist? An unstoppable wheeler-dealer? A hermit? The best and most intriguing lover in the world?

Once you have something (or more than one thing, as there is no reason why your dream self can't be large and contain multitudes), meditate on it. Watch your ideal self in action -- doing -- and at rest -- being.

Good. Now, meditate on this question: Why aren't you that person in "real life"?

This is not a trick question, and your answer can be complicated or simple or perhaps both. It might boil down to: "I don't have the money," "It's not legal," "It's not physically possible," "My (sweetie/boss/mother) would kill me," or "I don't have the (talent/luck/ambition) and it's too late for me to be that person now."

Well, maybe all true dat. But just for today, the cosmos is encouraging you to fantasize. Let yourself become that poet or hero while languishing in your cubicle, taking pointless orders, giving pointless orders, hustling for chump change, or washing endless dishes. Your soul will thank you for it, and perhaps this little excursion will bring you an inch or two closer toward integrating your dream self into your real-life self. After all, it is your dream.

Shifting Gears: Welcome Jupiter in Cancer; Hello Mercury Retrograde; Crab Cake Deluxe

Now that summertime has officially arrived, and we finally had a Full Moon that was not a Lunar Eclipse (albeit one that appeared bigger and brighter than usual because it was closer to the earth than all other Full Moons for 2013), we are about to experience some major changes: Jupiter departs Gemini and enters Cancer at 9:40pm ET, and less than twelve hours later Mercury turns retrograde in Cancer. Venus is also in Cancer, although not for much longer; it enters fun-loving, party-animal Leo on Thursday. But there is still a lot of Cancerian energy out there, especially since Jupiter magnifies whatever sign it's in. If you are a Cancer, you will definitely be feeling it -- and if you are someone who keeps company with a Cancer, you will definitely be feeling it by proxy.

Cancerian energy is paradoxical in nature: Cancer is a cardinal sign, meaning it likes to lead and excels at getting whatever ball rolling. Yet Cancer is also of the water element, so it is introverted and reflective, and needs a lot of downtime. Cancer could never be mistaken for the premier cardinal sign Aries: while pioneering, hotheaded Aries must be at the front of the line at all times and at all costs (and fellow cardinal sign Libra is so other-directed it can only define itself by its relationship to others, and cardinal sign Capricorn's natural place is at the top of the literal or figurative mountain), sensitive Cancer prefers to rule the roost. And the roast.

This does not mean there are no famous Cancers -- far from it. Many Cancerians have the uncanny knack of intuiting what the public wants before the public is aware of those wants, and can embody lunar magic at its finest, weaving a spell on hundreds of thousands of earthlings. This is because Cancer's ruling planet is the Moon -- which rules the public. That said, it's also common for Cancerian celebrities to have a strong 10th house, or planets in Leo (increasing the desire for attention and glamour), or a strong Jupiter (increasing the likelihood of luck). A "pure" Cancer with Sun, Moon, and Rising Sign in Cancer, or a heavy emphasis on the 4th house, is more likely to want to be a homemaker, or if this is not possible, then work from home and be a confirmed homebody, the unofficial mother (regardless of the native's gender) of the neighborhood. Of course, a stable home can be a space in which Cancer's natural creativity and imagination can blossom -- so even a "pure" Cancer could wind up becoming a celebrated writer or artist.

Jupiter is said to be exalted in Cancer. On the surface, this seems odd; Jupiter is the ruling planet of Sagittarius, which has literally nothing in common with Cancer. However, before Neptune was discovered, Jupiter co-ruled Pisces, a sign that is extremely compatible with Cancer. For the next year, as Jupiter traverses Cancer, the urge to expand and the occurrence of good luck will be concentrated on the home, family, memory, imagination, intuition, collecting, antiques, nostalgia, women's issues, travel by sea, the sea itself, and recycling (Cancer is extremely environmentally aware). On July 17, we get two potentially magical Jupiter trines: Jupiter will trine Saturn in Scorpio immediately followed by a trine to Neptune in Pisces, just two days before the trine between Saturn and Neptune. This configuration is called a Grand Trine, in which three planets of different signs, but of the same element, are in perfect tune with one another. In the water element, this Grand Trine will encourage emotional depth. You may feel, however briefly, that you can achieve a balance between risk taking (Jupiter) and hard work (Saturn) -- and you can safely follow your dreams (Neptune) because both luck (Jupiter) and structure (Saturn) are in rare agreement with each other.

True, Mercury will be Retrograde for the next three weeks -- so yes, there will be delays, second thoughts, and secrets. But Mercury in Cancer is reflective and likes to take its time hatching its plans anyway. Mars's entry into Cancer on July 13 (my birthday!) should add some interesting heat and spice to this current crustacean-filled brew.

Fuck the Venus-Uranus Square

Hell hath no fury as a Pluto Rising, Moon-in-Scorpio native who realizes she's been scammed by a tech support site that has willfully misrepresented itself and parted her from a nice chunk of change.

I really should've seen it coming. Late last night, I realized that I could not open my trusty Norton, nor my IE browser. AOHell browser was (in the irony of ironies) just fine, and with the help of Goo-Goo-Ga-Google I found the contact number for Norton Symantec tech support. Actually, it was not THE number, just a number...which my spidey sense desperately tried to tell me as I conversed with Swami Scammer. But my tired, scared, left-brain self was having none of it. All I knew was that for only $180.99, my problems would fly away as ducks at the end of the summer.

I paid no attention to the fact that Venus (money, among other things) had finished trining Neptune and was now approaching a square to Uranus (technology). I also failed to take into account that the Moon was void of course at the end of Cancer.

I was the one who was void of course, apparently.

Fuck the Venus-Uranus square.

Oh, and if you feel like breaking up with your sweetie, or fucking with his or her head, this is a great aspect for any and all heartbreaking activities...but you may really regret it once the square is over. You have been duly warned. And for god's sake, don't call tech support unless you are doubly, triply, quadruply sure you have The Official Contact Number. Better yet, turn off all of your electronic devices for the next few hours. And try not to get electrocuted.

Post-Mercury-Pluto Opposition Update / New Moon on a Mercury-Uranus Square

At the time I wrote yesterday's post, I was unaware that a gunman had shot and killed seven people in Santa Monica...so I would like to apologize if my "fun time for snipers and vipers" comment sounded too flippant.

The New Moon in Gemini occurred just before noon ET, and was followed just a few hours later by the Mercury-Uranus square. If you made the mistake of not only writing but sending an incendiary e-mail, it is too late to take it back -- but on the bright side, we are free of squares till the Moon squares Uranus on Monday at 12:33 p.m. ET, and tomorrow we will get a preview of the Saturn-Neptune trine with the moon's trines to Saturn and Neptune (exact at 11:10 p.m. and 11:19 p.m., respectively).

What this grand trine in water (Moon in Cancer, Saturn in Scorpio, Neptune in Pisces) is all about it stabilizing, not suppressing, the emotions, and using them in a constructive, creative way. It is a good time to address family problems; although the Moon in Cancer is extremely sensitive and prone to withdrawing when threatened, Saturn's influence will encourage meeting challenges halfway while Neptune's influence will soften jagged edges and encourage imaginative solutions. It is also an optimal time to work on confronting your emotions, your deepest needs and fears. You may even be able to begin reshaping your instincts and intuition if you have not been able to rely on them. Your environment will be more important than usual at this time, and you may feel the urge to improve your home or go to the seashore.

Secrets, Power Trips, and Self-Deception--Oh My!

We are approaching two challenging aspects that already have manifested in a political scandal that could be called "Big Brother Is Watching You, Part XLIV." I am referring, of course to the phone companies in bed with the Obama administration, since apparently everyone is a potential terrorist. Yet we should all be comforted to learn that, unlike various invasions of privacy during the Bush II regime, this one has been sanctioned by the courts. There, don't you feel much better about it now?

The Mercury-Pluto opposition (exact 6:01pm ET) cautions us that communications are neither open nor transparent at the moment. You may be keeping a huge secret, or you may be deliberately kept in the dark about something important. Either circumstance will lead to paranoia and an imbalance of power. It is also possible that you will blow the lid off very sensitive information if the price is right or the pressure to spill the beans is too intense. If you run with a particular type of crowd, you may find yourself at the bottom of the bay, feeding the fish. Even if you run with no crowd at all, you may have an unpleasant interaction with a neighbor or sibling. Even if you are alone, you may wind up arguing with yourself. This will be a fun time for snipers and vipers.

The Mars-Neptune square (exact 7:58pm ET) unfortunately will not assist you in terms of intuition and timing. Self-deception is very likely, as is the desire to tie one on. If you insist on hitting the bars, try to wait till after the square -- Happy Hour will be more like Crappy Hour. If you have another type of poison, you may not react well to it. This is definitely not the right evening to go out for sushi and sake.