She's Leaving Home, Bye-Bye (Remembering When)

Today is the 18th anniversary of the first time I left New York City for Another Place: an island that was an extinct volcano, a little-known dot in the Dutch West Indies. Most of my mail was forwarded to Holland.

I had nearly moved to Berlin to be with a not-so-old flame, then chickened out for a few reasons that still make sense to me nearly two decades later, and other reasons that do not. With Sagittarius at my IC, and its ruler, Jupiter, sextile the IC, I could have predicted that I would move far away. However, Pluto exactly square the IC from the Ascendant complicates things. I can run, but Pluto has always pulled me back.

I did not move away because of 9/11, which had happened eight months earlier. I moved to that specific place for all the wrong reasons. I did paint some nice watercolors that the local gallery accepted. (Big fish, little pond.) Two years later, I would joke to my new friends that it took moving out of the country to get me from Manhattan to Brooklyn, which was just beginning its long run as the epicenter of hipsterdom. I would joke about how it was probably the only island on the planet that lacked a beach. I would joke about the two Dutch families that basically owned the island and must have inbred for several generations to ensure their whiteness. Most of the so-called islanders fled for other, slightly more happening islands such as St. Kitts and St. Maarten. There was a second-rate medical school on the island for first-rate students from impoverished countries and third-rate Americans who could not gain admittance to a US medical school. The only fresh produce on the island were mangoes. I would fly to St. Maarten for a day, go to the French side for the beach and shops in Marigot, and pack my rolling suitcase with roast chickens, croissants, a baguette, cheese, and chocolate.

Fifteen years later, I left my fourth apartment in Brooklyn for a basement in New Jersey for all the right reasons. I thought I was going to land in Philadelphia. Two months later, I was back, having secured the ultimate brass ring: a salaried position that paid a living wage. I joked to my few remaining friends that it took leaving the state of New York for me to move from Brooklyn to Queens. Unfortunately, Pluto opposed my natal Sun five times between early 2018 and late 2019, so I paid a heavy price for my financial autonomy: a workplace so unbelievably dysfunctional it could have been the focus of a reality TV show.

There have been more years than not that I have forgotten this day in my personal history. This year, I guess I was destined to remember because I have been fantasizing once again about leaving New York, where I was born and where I finally grew up. It would not be because of COVID-19, but because I have not been able to truly enjoy the city since returning to it on my own terms in the fall of 2017. The city I truly miss was the city of 1998 to 2009. Far too much about me is different now to recapture that decade, and far too much about the city has changed, as well. That is the thing about New York: it keeps changing, both for better and worse. Now that spring is finally here, New Yorkers in my neighborhood are emerging from their apartments after nearly three months of mostly staying in: restless, some masked, as many not, some social distancing, as many not, counting down for the reopening to commence. I am restless, too, but not to go back to the way things were.

I realize there is very little in the way of astrology about this post. I guess I thought back in 2002 that with the Sun trining my Pluto and Ascendant that day, I would land on my feet once the prop plane landed on the shortest commercial runway in the world. Instead, I realized almost immediately (with the Sun inconjunct my Jupiter) what a mistake I had made. I never bothered to fully unpack. But then, that is true of every single place I have lived. Too much stuff (Cancer stellium), too little space (city apartments do not come with attics or basements), too much restlessness (Sagittarius IC).

Perhaps transiting Pluto trine my Pluto will help me find my true home. Pluto turned retrograde about 10' shy of the exact trine this spring, so I guess I will have to wait a while. In the meantime, I will try to be better about living in the moment, as strange as this time has been.

Mars Square Uranus: The Ultimate in Bird Flipping

If you're feeling more rebellious, independent, and pugnacious than usual, congratulations...you're right on schedule with the Mars-Uranus square (exact 11:08 p.m. ET).

Personally, I have not been able to settle down to much of anything today. I hung out on Facebook (something I rarely do for more than 10-15 min. at a time, but today I felt like spending time in my Moon in Scorpio group), did a little work but not much, and was grateful that my period left me feeling merely fatigued instead of horribly cramped or incapacitated with a migraine (both strong possibilities under a Mars-Uranus square).

Mars is not well placed in Cancer under the best of circumstances, and square Uranus in Aries, this is not the best aspect under which to butt heads concerning domestic arrangements or living conditions. Depending on your own chart, you may be tempted to set aside your sentimentality and pitch out possessions. You may also feel like breaking something of sentimental value.

Fortunately, we are also coming into a Venus-Mars sextile (exact on Friday), so any damage done in relationships could be mended within the next two days -- but any abuse that occurs under this square should be taken seriously. People who already have bad tempers or difficulty managing their anger and/or alcohol intake could blow up in a highly destructive way, but even normally mild-mannered souls may feel like physically lashing out. If you can't do some kick-boxing, consider watching Rocky, Rebel without a Cause, or throw on some hardcore death metal and headbang to your heart's content.

PS: If you find most "New Age" types annoying, with their floaty, flaky, feel-good philosophy, and would prefer to have your chart read by astrologer who is equal parts rebellious, intelligent, articulate, pragmatic, and compassionate, please get in touch with me for my special "Dog Days" rates, good for the entire month of August.

The Glorious Grand Trine in Water

With all the talk over the past year or so about the fearsome and feared Uranus-Pluto square, an equally important, powerful, and rare "good witch" aspect was ignored: a Grand Trine in the Water element involving Mars conjunct Jupiter in Cancer, Moon (plus North Node) and Saturn in Scorpio, and Neptune in Pisces.

As if this was not already enough Water, the Sun and Mercury are also in Cancer, bringing us to a total of seven planets in Water. Although the Moon in Scorpio triggered this Grand Trine on Tuesday evening, even after the Moon leaves Scorpio at 1:54 p.m. (ET), the Grand Trine will still be in effect, as Mars has yet to trine Neptune and Saturn on Saturday (3:53 p.m. and 5:34 p.m., respectively) and will then conjunct Jupiter at 3:35 a.m. on Monday, with the Sun in the last few hours of Cancer.

What this Grand Trine is about includes mastery of the emotions, as this is the domain of the Water element. Expansion, faith, and risk taking are in tune with contraction, structure, and hard work, which in turn supports dreams, inspiration, and intuition. This could be a watershed moment for popular (or unpopular culture) and the collective unconscious, but the Moon in Scorpio has made this Grand Trine highly personal -- and what is continuing to energize the Grand Trine is the red planet, motor of our the solar system.

Mars is said to be in its "fall" in Cancer, yet Jupiter is said to be "exalted" in this sign -- so this conjunction could go one of three ways: Mars could dominate (bringing much energy but possible conflict into the home and family), Jupiter could dominate (bringing blessings and bounty into the home), or Mars and Jupiter will manage to cancel out each other's worst and best qualities. However this conjunction plays out for you personally, there will be a magnification (Jupiter) of the emotions (Cancer), a spotlight on home and family (Cancer), and a DIY spirit toward home improvement (Mars in Cancer).

Discretion is the better part of valor (or is it velour?) so I cannot go into detail about how I managed to snap out of my Mercury Retrograde funk and dive headfirst into the waves of this extremely rare Grand Trine, but it was possibly the best post-birthday gift I ever gave to myself. Among many other things, I learned how to breathe.

One of Those Up Close and Personal Posts that Might Help You

Greetings, lovelies and uglies and all mixed star-gazing bags:

Last night it occurred to me that Pluto was backing over another square to my natal Chiron in Aries. I was not consciously aware of the first square at the end of January, but it. Explains. So. Much. Even more than that helter-skelter aspect that has us all in its collective grip for another couple of years, the Uranus-Pluto square, about which I have pondered and written in this blog extensively.

I don't normally pay much attention to my 7th-house Chiron. It is the lone wolf, the odd duck of my chart: the only planet (more accurately, planetoid) in the fire element, and the only one not involved in my bowl-shaped configuration (which starts with Saturn in Taurus in the 9th house and ends with Neptune in Scorpio in the 3rd house). I run a tight ship, it seems -- but Chiron slipped through its tightly woven sails. Also, except for Neptune, it is my only retrograde point. Hence, ever since water-and-earth me first began studying my own chart over twenty years ago, I have never been able to make head or tail of my poor, retrograde-in-Aries, 7th-house Chiron.

Pluto squaring my Chiron has been one hell of a wake-up call, though I slept through the first alarm on January 31. If Chiron is about healing and self-actualization (interestingly, Chiron was discovered in 1977, the peak of the "human potential movement"), I apparently need to heal my relationships (Chiron in my 7th house) in a major way. Pluto's energy is deep and transformative, and it doesn't always tickle -- in fact it can be fucking painful. And one of the lessons of Pluto is that if you hold on too tightly, even more may be taken away from you.

Pluto has been transiting my 4th house for about seven years now so I should be used to its energy, but it was undeniably "kinder" when still in Sagittarius. It seems that Pluto in Capricorn in my 4th house has increased my fear that due to my unstable financial situation, I will lose my home (in fact, I've moved twice since Pluto entered Capricorn) and that I am generally running out of time (Capricorn) to "prove" myself (Capricorn again) to my family (4th house), to the world (10th house), and to myself (1st house). My time-management skills are being put to the test and it seems they are not at the correct end of the bell curve. My chronic insomnia and freelancer's schedule certainly haven't helped. Up till now, I have attributed this anxiety-producing state of mind to the classic "midlife crisis" aspect -- the Uranus opposition, which fell in my 1st and 7th houses -- but now I realize that Pluto squaring my Chiron plays an equally important role in this disturbing development.

Perhaps my Chiron's placement is why I have always been a "relationship person" despite also being a classic Pluto Rising loner. This is not to say that I have always been in a relationship, though since my late 20s, I have been in a relationship more often than not. It just means that I would make a great hermit as long as I didn't have to do it alone. (Two shows a night, people. Two shows a night.) Seriously, that does not mean I want a crowd; I often feel that I just don't have time for most people, even ones whom I mostly like. I keep thinking that I should be working on my children's book, which I am both writing and illustrating, and which may be my only ticket out of my current existence. I also have my "nothing" quota to fulfill, because doing nothing is doing something. Then, of course, I have to stumble across an article about how having friends is good for one's health and can even prolong one's life.

To which I find myself having a particularly Plutonian response: that I'm not all that sure I want to live a long life -- I'm more about quality than quantity, and although things could be much, much worse, I do not look forward to more of the same when my teeth fall out (see more on this very real worry a little ways down if you have the strength to read on). By most accounts, growing old (i.e., reaching 75, 80) sucks unless you have won both the genetic and financial lotteries, or you don't mind spending most of your waking hours sitting in a doctor's waiting room. Though I suppose all this can be somewhat offset if you're lucky enough to have grandkids (though my relatively recently deceased granny did not give two figs about my little sister and me, she was truly pathological). But I will never fall into that sick-and-poor-yet-still-lucky category; although there are kids in my life, they are not mine.

Sometimes, I do not even feel that my relationship is mine -- that it is "living on borrowed time," to quote from the late great John Lennon, and that it is running a course all its own. This might not be such a bad realization, but the moderate middle path between control-freakdom and devil-may-caredom seems to be eluding me these days. Hello, Pluto-squaring-my-Chiron. I got the memo. I am awake. What to do now?

Okay, so, teeth. Capricorn rules bones and teeth and just a few weeks ago, when I went to my dentist for my six-month cleaning, she informed me that based on my most recent set of X-rays from last December, I have appreciable bone loss and not only had to start flossing religiously, but must return for deep cleanings every three or four months for the rest of my life. I am not sure why my dentist didn't tell me about this bone loss six months ago -- perhaps she was distracted by the presence of my cute little cavity, my first in nearly twenty years and fourth one ever. Of course I was upset to hear this news, and when I thought about how I hadn't been to the dentist in over two years because I tend not to get cavities and much prefer spending money on anything other than a visit to the dentist, I got even more upset. My bone loss was my own damned fault. Sure, if my Freelancers Union insurance covered dental care, I would have gone like clockwork -- and if my old dentist hadn't moved to Florida, I might also not have let so much time elapse between visits -- but it was still my responsibility.

I could go on for another several paragraphs about Pluto-in-the-4th-house family issues, but I am worn out, and if you are still reading this post, I would bet that you are, too. Trying to end this post on a relatively positive note, I would like to think that time (Capricorn) eventually does heal (Chiron) all wounds (Pluto/Scorpio, Mars/Aries), even though time does not seem to wound all heels.

Post-Mercury-Pluto Opposition Update / New Moon on a Mercury-Uranus Square

At the time I wrote yesterday's post, I was unaware that a gunman had shot and killed seven people in Santa Monica...so I would like to apologize if my "fun time for snipers and vipers" comment sounded too flippant.

The New Moon in Gemini occurred just before noon ET, and was followed just a few hours later by the Mercury-Uranus square. If you made the mistake of not only writing but sending an incendiary e-mail, it is too late to take it back -- but on the bright side, we are free of squares till the Moon squares Uranus on Monday at 12:33 p.m. ET, and tomorrow we will get a preview of the Saturn-Neptune trine with the moon's trines to Saturn and Neptune (exact at 11:10 p.m. and 11:19 p.m., respectively).

What this grand trine in water (Moon in Cancer, Saturn in Scorpio, Neptune in Pisces) is all about it stabilizing, not suppressing, the emotions, and using them in a constructive, creative way. It is a good time to address family problems; although the Moon in Cancer is extremely sensitive and prone to withdrawing when threatened, Saturn's influence will encourage meeting challenges halfway while Neptune's influence will soften jagged edges and encourage imaginative solutions. It is also an optimal time to work on confronting your emotions, your deepest needs and fears. You may even be able to begin reshaping your instincts and intuition if you have not been able to rely on them. Your environment will be more important than usual at this time, and you may feel the urge to improve your home or go to the seashore.

Lunar Eclipse in Capricorn: Time to Cut Those Apron Strings!

If a simple pair of scissors won't do the job, if those apron strings are more like unyielding steel or sharp barbed wire or a brick wall, then locate a chainsaw or machete. Whatever it takes, fellas.

(I've decided to use the salutation "fellas" instead of "lovelies," often used by female bloggers and hip party promoters, because I'm too much of a misanthropist to believe that most people are deserving of such an endearment. Chocolate ice cream, however, is lovely, so any chocolate ice-cream cones reading this post, especially soft-serve ones with rainbow sprinkles, are absolutely exempt from "fellas.")

Okay, so I'm late to the Lunar Eclipse party. I'm probably the last serious astrologer in cyberspace to post about it. But last night I was using the approaching Full Moon in Capricorn energy to clean up my apartment, which had degenerated into a pigsty during the past two weeks when I had a terrible head cold, and preparing for an erotic writing workshop I'm facilitating at the PEX festival in Maryland next weekend.

And I was obsessing about my family even more than I usually do. It gave me a typically Cancerian tummyache.

Yes indeed, fellas, this is the Full Moon in which you too may be obsessing about your family and home, your career and ambition, and any ties that bind. Not all ties and obligations are bad, to be sure--but if you feel you're being held back in a big way, go fetch those scissors or stick of dynamite, pronto.

This is also the time to try to balance your homebody-slippers-domestic self with your ambitious, latent-CEO-of-your-universe self. If you deny either side, if you claim to be fine with your humdrum existence while secretly daydreaming of glamor or a more creative existence, you will truly feel more torn apart than under any other lunation of this year.

The Lunar Eclipse adds power to any Full Moon, and good ol' Pluto adds even more power--but on the downside, more issues dealing with resentment, manipulation, and skeletons rattling around in the closet. I don't happen to agree with the puritanical statement that "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger"--it can make you bitter and twisted and wanting to treat other fellas like shit to prove the point that life is unfair. So if you're feeling subterranean rumbles of resentment or suspicion, for god's sake deal with it now before it gets out of hand and explodes six months from now.

Now I've got to get ready for an evening of astrologizing at a local shop/cafe called Hom, which is having a Full Moon dinner event, and my mini readings are the icing on the cake.

By the way, the image in this post is one I painted several Full Moons in Capricorn ago, titled "Quite a Kid," all rights goddamned straight reserved.