She's Leaving Home, Bye-Bye (Remembering When)

Today is the 18th anniversary of the first time I left New York City for Another Place: an island that was an extinct volcano, a little-known dot in the Dutch West Indies. Most of my mail was forwarded to Holland.

I had nearly moved to Berlin to be with a not-so-old flame, then chickened out for a few reasons that still make sense to me nearly two decades later, and other reasons that do not. With Sagittarius at my IC, and its ruler, Jupiter, sextile the IC, I could have predicted that I would move far away. However, Pluto exactly square the IC from the Ascendant complicates things. I can run, but Pluto has always pulled me back.

I did not move away because of 9/11, which had happened eight months earlier. I moved to that specific place for all the wrong reasons. I did paint some nice watercolors that the local gallery accepted. (Big fish, little pond.) Two years later, I would joke to my new friends that it took moving out of the country to get me from Manhattan to Brooklyn, which was just beginning its long run as the epicenter of hipsterdom. I would joke about how it was probably the only island on the planet that lacked a beach. I would joke about the two Dutch families that basically owned the island and must have inbred for several generations to ensure their whiteness. Most of the so-called islanders fled for other, slightly more happening islands such as St. Kitts and St. Maarten. There was a second-rate medical school on the island for first-rate students from impoverished countries and third-rate Americans who could not gain admittance to a US medical school. The only fresh produce on the island were mangoes. I would fly to St. Maarten for a day, go to the French side for the beach and shops in Marigot, and pack my rolling suitcase with roast chickens, croissants, a baguette, cheese, and chocolate.

Fifteen years later, I left my fourth apartment in Brooklyn for a basement in New Jersey for all the right reasons. I thought I was going to land in Philadelphia. Two months later, I was back, having secured the ultimate brass ring: a salaried position that paid a living wage. I joked to my few remaining friends that it took leaving the state of New York for me to move from Brooklyn to Queens. Unfortunately, Pluto opposed my natal Sun five times between early 2018 and late 2019, so I paid a heavy price for my financial autonomy: a workplace so unbelievably dysfunctional it could have been the focus of a reality TV show.

There have been more years than not that I have forgotten this day in my personal history. This year, I guess I was destined to remember because I have been fantasizing once again about leaving New York, where I was born and where I finally grew up. It would not be because of COVID-19, but because I have not been able to truly enjoy the city since returning to it on my own terms in the fall of 2017. The city I truly miss was the city of 1998 to 2009. Far too much about me is different now to recapture that decade, and far too much about the city has changed, as well. That is the thing about New York: it keeps changing, both for better and worse. Now that spring is finally here, New Yorkers in my neighborhood are emerging from their apartments after nearly three months of mostly staying in: restless, some masked, as many not, some social distancing, as many not, counting down for the reopening to commence. I am restless, too, but not to go back to the way things were.

I realize there is very little in the way of astrology about this post. I guess I thought back in 2002 that with the Sun trining my Pluto and Ascendant that day, I would land on my feet once the prop plane landed on the shortest commercial runway in the world. Instead, I realized almost immediately (with the Sun inconjunct my Jupiter) what a mistake I had made. I never bothered to fully unpack. But then, that is true of every single place I have lived. Too much stuff (Cancer stellium), too little space (city apartments do not come with attics or basements), too much restlessness (Sagittarius IC).

Perhaps transiting Pluto trine my Pluto will help me find my true home. Pluto turned retrograde about 10' shy of the exact trine this spring, so I guess I will have to wait a while. In the meantime, I will try to be better about living in the moment, as strange as this time has been.

Welcome the Winter Solstice

With so much gloom and doom in the news, I was pleased to see that a powerful kite configuration is in effect as winter is born.

Specifically, there is a grand trine between Moon in Taurus, Mercury in Capricorn, and Jupiter in Virgo, with Venus opposing the Moon and forming a sextile to Mercury and Jupiter.

Kites are said to be a strong configuration because the grand trine is given a kick in its complacent ass via an opposition -- which in turn does not cause as much stress as a simple opposition, due to its friendly relations with the grand trine's other two planets.

This particular kite, due to the influence of earth and water elements, is not as apt to fly as is it to dig, ponder, sculpt, analyze, and tap in to deep intuition and mysticism.

In New York City, the Sun's ingress into Capricorn falls near the IC (aka 4th-house cusp), emphasizing home and family. Since 28 degrees of Virgo is on the Ascendant, the chart ruler is Mercury, which is also placed in the 4th house. Remember that Mercury is also involved with the kite, which suggests that at least in this neck of the woods, at this time of the season, communication with family is even more important than a 4th-house placement already would be.

In the NYC winter solstice chart, Jupiter and the North Node are just behind the Ascendant; there could be some hidden protection, even a guardian angel, at work (especially at work, though health is also involved). Jupiter is known for excess and travel, but placed in Virgo, going totally overboard is unlikely.

One word of caution: heed the approaching square between Mercury and Mars. With Mars placed on the 2nd house cusp in Libra, it seems likely that many arguments in the home will be about overspending and conflicting values and/or aesthetics. Mercury in practical, thrifty Capricorn may turn into a porcupine or cactus during that square (exact 12/29), while Libra's scales are knocked off balance.

One of Those Up Close and Personal Posts that Might Help You

Greetings, lovelies and uglies and all mixed star-gazing bags:

Last night it occurred to me that Pluto was backing over another square to my natal Chiron in Aries. I was not consciously aware of the first square at the end of January, but it. Explains. So. Much. Even more than that helter-skelter aspect that has us all in its collective grip for another couple of years, the Uranus-Pluto square, about which I have pondered and written in this blog extensively.

I don't normally pay much attention to my 7th-house Chiron. It is the lone wolf, the odd duck of my chart: the only planet (more accurately, planetoid) in the fire element, and the only one not involved in my bowl-shaped configuration (which starts with Saturn in Taurus in the 9th house and ends with Neptune in Scorpio in the 3rd house). I run a tight ship, it seems -- but Chiron slipped through its tightly woven sails. Also, except for Neptune, it is my only retrograde point. Hence, ever since water-and-earth me first began studying my own chart over twenty years ago, I have never been able to make head or tail of my poor, retrograde-in-Aries, 7th-house Chiron.

Pluto squaring my Chiron has been one hell of a wake-up call, though I slept through the first alarm on January 31. If Chiron is about healing and self-actualization (interestingly, Chiron was discovered in 1977, the peak of the "human potential movement"), I apparently need to heal my relationships (Chiron in my 7th house) in a major way. Pluto's energy is deep and transformative, and it doesn't always tickle -- in fact it can be fucking painful. And one of the lessons of Pluto is that if you hold on too tightly, even more may be taken away from you.

Pluto has been transiting my 4th house for about seven years now so I should be used to its energy, but it was undeniably "kinder" when still in Sagittarius. It seems that Pluto in Capricorn in my 4th house has increased my fear that due to my unstable financial situation, I will lose my home (in fact, I've moved twice since Pluto entered Capricorn) and that I am generally running out of time (Capricorn) to "prove" myself (Capricorn again) to my family (4th house), to the world (10th house), and to myself (1st house). My time-management skills are being put to the test and it seems they are not at the correct end of the bell curve. My chronic insomnia and freelancer's schedule certainly haven't helped. Up till now, I have attributed this anxiety-producing state of mind to the classic "midlife crisis" aspect -- the Uranus opposition, which fell in my 1st and 7th houses -- but now I realize that Pluto squaring my Chiron plays an equally important role in this disturbing development.

Perhaps my Chiron's placement is why I have always been a "relationship person" despite also being a classic Pluto Rising loner. This is not to say that I have always been in a relationship, though since my late 20s, I have been in a relationship more often than not. It just means that I would make a great hermit as long as I didn't have to do it alone. (Two shows a night, people. Two shows a night.) Seriously, that does not mean I want a crowd; I often feel that I just don't have time for most people, even ones whom I mostly like. I keep thinking that I should be working on my children's book, which I am both writing and illustrating, and which may be my only ticket out of my current existence. I also have my "nothing" quota to fulfill, because doing nothing is doing something. Then, of course, I have to stumble across an article about how having friends is good for one's health and can even prolong one's life.

To which I find myself having a particularly Plutonian response: that I'm not all that sure I want to live a long life -- I'm more about quality than quantity, and although things could be much, much worse, I do not look forward to more of the same when my teeth fall out (see more on this very real worry a little ways down if you have the strength to read on). By most accounts, growing old (i.e., reaching 75, 80) sucks unless you have won both the genetic and financial lotteries, or you don't mind spending most of your waking hours sitting in a doctor's waiting room. Though I suppose all this can be somewhat offset if you're lucky enough to have grandkids (though my relatively recently deceased granny did not give two figs about my little sister and me, she was truly pathological). But I will never fall into that sick-and-poor-yet-still-lucky category; although there are kids in my life, they are not mine.

Sometimes, I do not even feel that my relationship is mine -- that it is "living on borrowed time," to quote from the late great John Lennon, and that it is running a course all its own. This might not be such a bad realization, but the moderate middle path between control-freakdom and devil-may-caredom seems to be eluding me these days. Hello, Pluto-squaring-my-Chiron. I got the memo. I am awake. What to do now?

Okay, so, teeth. Capricorn rules bones and teeth and just a few weeks ago, when I went to my dentist for my six-month cleaning, she informed me that based on my most recent set of X-rays from last December, I have appreciable bone loss and not only had to start flossing religiously, but must return for deep cleanings every three or four months for the rest of my life. I am not sure why my dentist didn't tell me about this bone loss six months ago -- perhaps she was distracted by the presence of my cute little cavity, my first in nearly twenty years and fourth one ever. Of course I was upset to hear this news, and when I thought about how I hadn't been to the dentist in over two years because I tend not to get cavities and much prefer spending money on anything other than a visit to the dentist, I got even more upset. My bone loss was my own damned fault. Sure, if my Freelancers Union insurance covered dental care, I would have gone like clockwork -- and if my old dentist hadn't moved to Florida, I might also not have let so much time elapse between visits -- but it was still my responsibility.

I could go on for another several paragraphs about Pluto-in-the-4th-house family issues, but I am worn out, and if you are still reading this post, I would bet that you are, too. Trying to end this post on a relatively positive note, I would like to think that time (Capricorn) eventually does heal (Chiron) all wounds (Pluto/Scorpio, Mars/Aries), even though time does not seem to wound all heels.